One of the most consistent issues I’ve had while dating is, guys telling me I’m “wifey material”, or swearing I’m what they envision when they picture who they want to be with, yet I’m single. So considering this, and after a long rant to my girl-friend Megan, I decided to do an exit survey on some of the guys I’ve dated.I was ranting about how I wish guys would tell you what it was that made them not interested in long term, so I could readjust any quirks I had. Or, if it wasn’t me, and it really was my taste in guys just tends to be bad boys that don’t commit. While pondering these things, I came up with an idea that was crazy, but so crazy it just might be fruitful. My girl assured me I was insane, but I went ahead with it anyway. So here I was freshly cancelled on by another guy, yet again, and so I sent out 7 Dm’s/Text messages. I chose guys I’d either been on a first date with, but never had a second, or someone I dated casually (and had casual sex with), but was never interested in more when I brought it up. The text read:
” Hey just out of curiosity, what was it about me you didn’t like/ weren’t crazy about that made you not want to date me seriously? Just taking a poll”.
Mannnnnnn. Yo girl actually got responses. Firstly, I was just shocked they actually gave me some honest feedback. I sent the text mostly to recent flings, but also 2 old flings from back in high school. I’ll break the feedback into two categories, the recent flings and the old flings (To account for my maturity, life changes and general increase in bad bitch-ness).
The Old Flings: basically said I was too young for them to take seriously. Not surprised. I’ve always liked dating older men, so at the time it would’ve been a bit weird for my 19 year old fling introducing his 15 year old girlfriend. One actually said I was arrogant, which was very surprising as I’ve struggled with body image/confidence my entire life.
The New Flings: This is where I got more variability, so I’m going to go guy by guy. (due to more guys).
I.A.: “I thought and still think you’re awesome and crazy pretty. For the longest time i thought you didn’t have any dating attraction toward me. I thought you just wanted to sleep together and not get tied up.” Keep in mind i had known this guy for years and we almost had a thing way back, but had recently hung out, and were watching movies and one thing lead to another but then we never spoke after and a few weeks later he was dating someone new. Confusing much?
B.B.: “You were perfect. It was me, why you wanna know so bad?” Then he proceeded to like my pics and wants to come hang, and date. For context, we had a lil FWB (friends with benefits) thing for a couple years here and there between dating other people but whenever i brought up that i liked him, and we should go out in public he was like “Yeah I’m just so busy”
T.J.: For context, we went out to coffee, and then he said he wanted to see me again and go out and we planned on going out the next weekend but he stopped texting back slowly and then cancelled ” I shoulda gave you a heads up that’s my fault. But the age difference (8 years), I go out a lot and I’m a flirt. I just feel like you’re moving at a slower pace than I am. Idk. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s me. you’re a wonderful person. I just feel like things would clash”. I feel like he was probably the most honest, he seemed like a party boy when I met him but he was 6’8 and had a laugh to die for, so ya girl was overlooking that.
The last guy I texted told me I should drop the question cause it seemed dumb so I left him out. But i low-key know why he never did. He likes to be single cause he likes his options open when he’s traveling to NOLA, Miami, etc and partying on his free time. He is what I like to call a serial-fuckboy. Knows how to say all the right things, and will take you out, but you’ll never get more than 15 min cuddle time to keep you interested.
Moral of this long post is, don’t get too hung up on why guys aren’t interested or don’t take it further. Unlike your girlfriends tell you, it’s usually you. You’re not everyones cup of tea, and if you’re like me and don’t deal with BS and make your intentions clear, most dudes will fall out when they realize casual isn’t going to be enough. Communicate your interests always to avoid confusion, and hold out on sex for a little while if you want something serious, it’ll make him want it more, and you’ll weed out the ones that can’t wait 3 dates without getting laid.
Let me know your experiences and ask any questions!
-Kiara Lynn
Kiara Lynn Willis 