The Many Men We Face

So as my previous post would allude too, I am very much single. In all honesty, my longest real relationship was about 3 months, so I couldn’t tell you the difference between romance movie relationships and real ones. However, this does mean when it comes to dating I’m an expert. In this day and age, many of us chose to venture onto social media/dating apps for significant others. I have slid into DM’s, used Tinder, Bumble, Plenty of Fish, I even went out with some stranger off of Whisper. I don’t know if y’all remember that from 4 years ago, that super anonymous app where people would dish on each other, well I got flashed by my first Asian dude in my University library from that site. Little side note, the stereotype is not always true. From all these experiences the one thing I’ve learned from all these ways of meeting guys is that on a grand scale, most guys are exactly the same. Sure there are exceptions to the rule, but as a great movie once said, you are the rule, not the exception.
All in all, men are in fact quite simple. They are not overly complex beings. On occasion, you might encounter a guy that has mastered the art of faking genuine intentions to get into bed, but generally, they’ll show you true colors within 2 dates. It’s up to us, to notice these. I realize some women have never been taught these signs, which is why I’m going to illuminate the mistakes that we tend to excuse in new men.

1.The Non-Time sensitive guy.
This is the guy that takes hours to text back, if not days. You have to ask him to clarify the times you were supposed to meet, and even when you do he’s late. These guys love excuses, like “oh I got pulled over 15 more minutes”, and 15 minutes go by and they’re still not there. If he wasn’t a block away when he got pulled over like he should’ve been because it was 7:55 pm and you were meeting at 8 pm, he was already planning on being late. First/Second dates are like a probationary period of a new job, you can’t show up late and expect to get any benefits. This guy can also manifest by canceling at the last minute because things “came up”. This guy does not value your time, energy or schedule, so don’t allow him to waste it. If he was half as interested in you as he says he is, he would be there on time at the very least.

2. The Over Achiever.
This is the guy that from the minute you swipe right, or open his message or give him your number he’s calling you baby or boo. He’s over describing his plans for your life in the next 5 years. This guy will tell you how you’re “literally my perfect girl” just so he can slack off later. You’ll get excited and invite him for drinks or coffee thinking “hey this dude thinks I’m the tits, this should be fun” and instead he’s more interested with the 10 pm “wyd” texts. As women, we are the queens of emotional masturbation. We from the beginning evaluate potential dates for marriage, whether or not our babies would look cute, we examine every single one of their flaws and compare them to our imaginary wish list for future husbands. This considered when did we ever say to a man, “omg you’re like the perfect husband, I’m so in love” to a guy the first day or two we meet them. NEVER. Yet we’re the emotional ones? So be very wary of the over the top guys, they’re likely thinking they can sweet talk you into bed. The minute they realize you’re worthy/needing more effort, they ghost you. They all of sudden disappear, even though you were the “perfect girl for them”.

3. The Slacker.
Lastly, we have the slacker. These are the guys that make you do all the work and give you nothing major in return. These are the serial Netflix and chillers, the “come have a drink at the crib” guys. These are the ones that say “Oh you’re so far away” when you tell them you live 25 minutes away. They ask you to meet them in their area every time, never reciprocating. These are the guys that when you’ve been chilling for a while, and ask them if they want to go out and do something or in public, they may oblige you once. However, they tend to consistently cancel and make excuses or say they’re too busy when the opportunity arises. AVOID these guys at all costs. I’ve seen some of the coolest, most sought after guy friends that can literally get any girl they want, yet they do everything to impress the one girl they actually want. When a guy wants you, and I mean really wants you, he’s going to put all the effort in. Don’t take this as a personal offense or as “I’m not good enough” because you are. This man and you, are simply not the right fit. Pour a glass of wine or cranberry bubbly and keep it moving.
This all was very negative I know. This guy, and that, Kiara I feel like that’s all the guys I meet, can’t I just make one of them change? Yeah sure, maybe if you so happen to be the exception to the rule, the 1 out of 10,000 but you’re usually not. Wait around until the guy that is willing to pick you up from 25 minutes away to take you out, wait for the guy that brings you flowers sometimes out of nowhere, because he’s truly interested. The guy that plans cute little dates without you having to make all the suggestions. Sure he may set ya’ll up with tacos when you’re really a burrito girl but the man put effort and thought into letting you not have to do all the work. They exist, I promise, I’ve dated a couple, but the timing was never just right, or eventually, it came down to a basic disagreement on fundamentals like wanting marriage or politics, but they’re out there. Invest in the ones that invest in you. You wouldn’t keep buying the same pair of shoes that break every 10th time you wear them outside, or the rain jacket that always leaves you soaked on the inner lining. You wouldn’t keep buying the same stock when the prices and company keep decreasing in value. Don’t limit yourself, or limit your value to men who have limited interest in you.


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