Kiara Lynn Willis

First, I’d like to formally apologize for how absolutely shit I’ve been about writing on my blog.

Life got busy etc etc. Nah, I was caught up in my little relationship and lowkey didn’t want a new man I was legitimately interested in reading my inner most thoughts or hearing embarrassing dating stories from my past. Well this is no longer an issue considering ya girl is back on the market. Single as a Nun on valentines day……. Yay me! (that was sarcasm).

So lets circle back to my incredibly interesting new development. Getting dumped.

I’m going to blow this whole thing out of proportion due to me, and my current state of loneliness. Mainly, me having to deal with the fact that I no longer get regular sex, but first, can I just say, I’m so proud of myself for not backsliding and having sex with my (now) ex when I got lonely after the break up. **Cue the applause**.

That’s growth ladies and gents.

The story:

Me and my Zimbabwean man dated for cool 5ish months before he decided to call it quits. The main reason it took me 6 weeks to write this post is because I was legitimately gobsmacked. I did not see the break up coming, I was making reservations for Valentines day and trying to plan something fun for his birthday when he called me with the dreaded ” we need to talk, can I come over?”.  So there I am sitting on my couch, watching UK Love island, now feeling like I’m about to be “Mugged off”.

It’s like Midnight, and my man comes over. Now he’s telling me about how much I mean to him, but he needs to keep me in the loop because he doesn’t wanna lead me on. He’s telling me all about how his parents are planning on moving to Boston (where 1/2 of his twin sisters is currently in college), and he wants to move with and transfer law schools to be close to them, and “Have more opportunities” than the current big law school he is in. When I ask him when it’s all happening, he tells me…..

Now please, I’m about to lose you here, so pay attention.

He says ” Probably soon, like March…” (This was in mid December he is telling me this.) Then he hits me with a “I know we’ve talked about it before and you don’t like long distance so I understand if this is where we end things.”. Now in my head I’m mulling this information over like, okay

1. You have to get accepted into that much higher caliber law school for this to be remotely legit.

2. This is like 4 months away…

3. You said your parents are wanting to, NOT have decided and found new jobs/planned to move across the country.

4. By the end of this conversation you’re also telling me you love me, and you want me to know this doesn’t change the way you feel about me and that you don’t wanna lose me.

So in my head I’m thinking, oh yeah okay so like 50/50 shot this move actually happens at least we have a few months to figure it out. But nah, guess again BIG BOY! We hash things out, cuddle some, couples days later he hits me AGAIN with the “Can I come over, we need to talk”. This time, Miss Kiara is not so naive. I know chances are this is going to be a break up conversation judging by his tone of voice and that we’ve both been kinda struggling with the idea of even attempting a opposite side of the country long distance relationship. This time, when he comes over I’m prepared to have this conversation.

That night we officially ended things, we talked, I got emotional, he lowkey did not.. We left things on good terms, and to finish it off we had some goodbye sex…… Lol oops. We texted periodically for like a week, basic conversational stuff, it started to fizzle down. We had one last park/discovery village day with me, my kid who had absolutely loved him, and T, maybe he came over and we fooled a lil bit once final time, (I literally told you already I was not looking forward to no sex, don’t come at me Gina!) and that was essentially where we left things. Friendly, but not trying to pretend we can be platonic.

Reflection:

Looking back on our relationship these past few weeks after the breakup,I’ve definitely become more aware of some things. I really needed a good/healthy relationship. I wasn’t used to someone that acted like a partner, cleaning the dishes if i cooked, offering to do all these little things for me so I could relax, having someone that’s there to talk to, someone who gives me time and energy, doesn’t cancel on me or not give me enough attention. All things that I’m sad to say, I was experiencing as a new norm. I’ll also admit being with him made me realize things about myself, like being more attentive to other peoples needs, how important a man who loves his family and wants me to be a part of their life is (However, T was not that man). Since the relationship did end, i did realize I shouldn’t compromise the things i want (some of which he had, some of which he did not) just to be in a relationship. My entire life i haven’t really been 100% single, not flirting with an Ex, or always going on dates etc. I now advocate for that so strongly because i feel like once your out of a good relationship it makes you realize you don’t want to waste time talking/dating/fucking people you’re only half interested in.

So get some nookie from the smokingggggggg hot Jamaican when you get horny if that’s what you want, or satisfy yourself. Don’t go on dates with guys you know you’re not attracted to (mentally or physically), because it’s rude to lead them on. Do not settle for someone that is not making time for you/treating you like he’s trying to impress you everyday (as should you in return) because you don’t deserve anything less. When someones truly interested heavily, they show out. I know I do.

2020 for me is going to focus more on self love, putting energy into my hobbies and side hustles and just having fun without letting societal norms get in the way (Stay tuned for my next post).

I’m going to wrap this up by saying, Thank you T, it was truly a pleasure being with you, i wish you all the happiness, and on a side note, I know the breakup wasn’t soley about moving or else you would’ve done it in March, but none the less, Best of Luck.